As nervous as I was about planning a destination wedding, I was pleasantly surprised by how smoothly everything came together. Once we found a travel planner and locked in the hotel, it was as simple as sharing ideas from my Pinterest board and booking flights. That was it. No chaos. No drama. No mysterious missing deposits. I took this as a very good omen. Clearly, the universe was finally on my side and we were well on our way to happily ever after.

We landed in the Caribbean three days before the wedding, and our guests slowly followed. I was excited, thrilled even, but also vibrating with nerves. The kind that feel like butterflies but behave more like anxious squirrels. I’ll never forget how intense they were leading up to the big day… or how they completely disappeared once it arrived. Instead of joy or panic, I felt absolutely nothing. Total emotional flatline. I floated through the day watching myself smile, nod, and walk down the aisle as if this were all happening to someone else.

It rained on our wedding day. Everyone rushed to reassure me that rain is a good sign, symbolizing blessings, renewal, and fertility. I found comfort in that. Just as quickly as the rain came, it stopped, and the sky opened up into the bluest blue I’d ever seen. This is it, I thought. The beginning of forever. The floral arch where we stood to recite our vows felt like a magical portal. One that led to a land where only love, laughter, and peace existed. A land with no red flags. Or at least none I was willing to acknowledge.

After we said our I do’s, we stayed a few extra days while most of our guests flew home. We explored the island together, ate, drank, laughed, and lived our best newlywed lives. Truly. We had the absolute best time. That portal was working overtime (or so I believed).

Reality reintroduced itself the moment we landed back in Los Angeles. The first item on our to-do list was making it official. We’d exchanged vows, but we still had to make it legal. I scheduled an appointment at the courthouse, all while ignoring the very familiar knot forming in the pit of my stomach. You’d think by now I’d recognize that feeling for what it was, but no…I treated intuition like a spam call. Decline. Ignore. Block.

Intuition doesn’t usually align with what the heart wants or what the mind can justify, but it is annoyingly accurate.

I went through with it anyway.

And just like that, we were legally married.

I was Mrs. Giant.

And slowly, but very surely, that became all I was, as the version of me that existed before quietly packed her bags and slipped out the back door without so much as a forwarding address.